I have faced the purest of evil and its name is … Blarp?
Blarp is an ancient Asuran word meaning “he who performs intimate acts on other male Asurans.” Or at least I’d like to think it is. Now, you might get the distinct impression I am not fond of the little fellow. Your impression is entirely correct. I spent 1 hour and 45 minutes battling him today and I do not like him. I do not like him at all.
My real problem is I completely hate Polymock, the Asuran minigame. It’s been repeatedly described as “Pokemon on steroids” but this didn’t help me grasp the concept any better since I’ve never played Pokemon and have never taken steroids. I think “Pain In the Ass” is a better description because that’s what it feels like.
What happens is you choose three creatures and pit them against three of your opponent’s creatures in one on one battles. The owner of the last creature standing wins the match. The interesting thing about this is that you control each creature in battle. This is probably another attempt by ArenaNet to nudge PvE-exclusive players towards PvP.
I would simply forgo Polymock but I’m keen on getting the Asuran skill Pain Inverter and the only way to get that skill is to get a quest from a guy in Tarnished Haven. I don’t have that outpost on my map right now — none of the primary quests go through it — and none of the quests in my log go there.
I could simply look up the map location and run myself there but I’d rather play GW:EN the straightforward way by jumping through the designers’ hoops. From what I can tell, the only way to get to Tarnished Haven through a quest is to battle Polymock masters, one of whom is stationed there.
