What, you didn’t know Windows XP could do speech? To be perfectly candid, I had completely forgotten about this text-to-speech feature but was reminded of it when trying out WordWeb 5.
The feature is called (oddly enough) Speech and it can be found in Windows XP’s Control Panel. Click on the “Sounds, Speech, and Audio Devices” category then click on the Speech icon. You should see this Speech Properties window:
Click on the Preview Voice button to preview the boring standard text (i.e. “You have selected Microsoft Sam as the computer’s default voice.”) Replace the standard text with your own and hit the Preview Voice button to hear the Windows Text-to-Speech engine read it out.
I recommend Insult Monger’s list of Hokkien phrases because it’s been scientifically proven that Hokkien obscenities are especially hilarious when read out by a robotic American voice. Some creative transliteration may be needed to get the pronunciation correct and you may also have to increase the Voice speed setting a few notches to make it sound natural.
Go wild.
(I did the exact same thing 15 years ago with Dr SBaitso, the speech synthesis application bundled with Creative’s Sound Blaster soundcard. What can I say? I’m easily amused.)
